Cary Hayward

Counsellor, Couples & FamilyTherapist, Coach, Supervisor


I love working with people to help them to make positive changes in their lives and relationships. I have extensive experience in counselling having been the Clinical Director and National Practice Manager for New Zealand’s largest counselling agency (30,000 clients a year) for 10 years.


Areas of Special Interest

  • couple relationship issues
  • separation
  • work issues
  • family relationships
  • anxiety
  • depression
  • stress
  • PTSD
  • grief
  • loss
  • life changes
  • life blocks
  • sexuality
  • life meaning
  • life goals
  • personal development
  • mindfulness
  • spirituality


Couples Therapy

I work with an evidence based approach called Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) with couples. EFT is a very effective couples approach that focuses on our patterns of connection and disconnection. Once we can understand these patterns we can start to get beyond the dramas that get in the way, and to get to the places we want to be with one another. EFT helps us to move away from moments of disconnection, frustration or despair and to find our way to moments of satisfaction, connection, hope and love.


Family Therapy

I will work with you and your family to address family issues and get on track with each other.


Personal Counselling

I will work collaboratively with you to explore, clarify and become more conscious of the issues you are wanting to address, and I will assist you to do what you need to do to get to you where you want to be. My specific approach to a piece of work will depend on a number of factors and I will draw on a wide range of counselling approaches and 20 years of experience to find ways of working that best fit with you and the issues we are addressing.



A focused process to assist you in achieving specific personal or life goals.


Counselling Approach

Overall through my work I have observed how central relationships are to our identity and our way of being in the world. Our core beliefs, thoughts, feelings, self esteem, identity, inner conflicts, outer obstacles and of course ways of relating all arise within a field of relationships. Exploring mindfully the relationships between the different parts of ourselves, or the relationships between ourselves and others, creates opportunities for new understandings and new ways of being to emerge. Creative new solutions can be found, new resources discovered, and new potentials realised.


Background and Experience

I have been the Clinical Director and National Practice Manager for New Zealand’s largest counselling agency Relationships Aotearoa (200 staff and 30,000 clients a year) for 10 years. I have led the initial development of Emotionally Focused Therapy in New Zealand by bringing Dr Rebecca Jorgensen to New Zealand from 2008 to 2014. Over this time I organised and hosted trainings to over 260 counsellors from NZ, Australia and the US. Prior to this I led a national Bachelor of Counselling programme that trained hundreds of counsellor across New Zealand.


Supervision Services

I provide clinical supervision, coaching and mentoring to counsellors, practitioners and students.


Q Registrations and Memberships

- Member of the NZ Association of Counsellors (MNZAC)
- Member of The International Centre for Excellence in Emotionally Focused Therapy (ICEEFT)
- Associate Member of The Australia New Zealand Psychodrama Association (ANZPA)

Q Qualifications

- Diploma Psychotherapy
- Bachelor of Psychology
- Post Graduate Diploma Education

Q Locations

I can see you in the Wellington CBD, and also have rooms in a beautiful spot in Whitby with inspiring views of the Pauatahanui Inlet and Hills.

- 9 The Layline, Whitby
- Level 6, 85 The Terrace, Wellington

Transport and Parking
Off street parking available at Whitby location.
CBD - close to bus and train.

Q Testimonials

“Cary has a deep empathy and astute sense of relational intelligence that has helped me work with deep bonding issues and trust. He deeply understands the human need for love and connection and has been fantastic at helping me recognise and transform the patterns that lead to disconnection and isolation. His insight has been of incredible value as is his love of life and his great sense of humour.”
- Jacqueline C, Designer

“I have experienced the therapeutic work of Cary as a fellow member of a group that has been meeting for more than 20 years. His approach and grasp of group dynamics and skillful interventions are often quite astounding. I would recommend Cary highly as a therapist for individual, couple or group situations. He has an understanding of so many modalities, which he uses with ease. A man with a big heart and great compassion.”
- Andy Spence Director, Cut'n'Paste Weed Gels

“There is a great depth and breadth of humanity opened up in Cary that enables him to both appreciate our individual uniqueness and make authentic and powerful interventions. I have personally experienced the benefits of his capacity to empathize and stimulate healing, transformation and growth, and feel sincerely grateful to him.”
- Stephen ArcherDirector, Mindfulness Training

“I have worked closely with Cary since 2008. Cary is a skilled and deeply empathetic therapist with many years of experience. He engages with clients well and has great relational understanding. His appreciation of adult attachment dynamics and the patterns that couples move through make him an excellent couples therapist.”
- Dr Rebecca Jorgensen Director of the San Diego Center for EFT and the Training and Research Institute for EFT at Alliant

Q Appointments

Flexible appointment times are available.

Q Fees

- $150 plus GST ($172.50)
- payment can be made by Cash, internet banking.