Change is inevitable.
The process of change or becoming different,
and what you want that to be,
can be your choice.
Jan Fulford has extensive experience counselling individuals, couples and teenagers.
Communication difficulties e.g. unable to be yourself, unable to speak up and say what you think or need or want, unable to listen to the other person without getting defensive, unable to self reflect on your behaviour and/or thoughts. These issues can happen in any relationship, i.e. with your partner, with your children, with fellow employees, with parents, etc. Maybe you are afraid or feel resentment towards someone who has authority over you.
In intimate relationships, some issues that can get in the way of closeness may be feeling lonely or isolated, finding it hard to accept a different point of view from your partner, feeling either insecure and/or possessive in your relationship, not having your emotional, physical or mental needs met, difficulty committing to the relationship, or having problems finding a suitable partner.
In a safe, supportive environment I can help you uncover where these insecurities have come from and assist you to address what has happened in your past to free you up for more positive relationships in the future. We can explore your thoughts and feelings around what has happened to you, and is happening for you now. We will learn how they are connected and look at how they are impacting on your current relationships with people. I will teach you tools and strategies to improve your communication skills so your interactions with others will be more effective.
Change has a considerable psychological impact on the human mind.
To the fearful it is threatening because it means that things may get worse.
To the hopeful it is encouraging because the challenge exists to make things better.
– Harold Wilson 1916 – 1995
Passing from one set of circumstances to another is inevitable, and likely to happen several times in a lifetime whether we like it or not. Transitions or change may be our choice or imposed on us. It can be expected or arrive abruptly and without warning. It can be positive or devastating. Whatever form change takes, the time between the old and the new can be difficult to navigate.
Grieving the loss of someone important
Breakdowns in relationships or death of a husband/wife/partner/parent/child (including miscarriage or termination)/friends. Initially, things can be very busy with organising what has to be done, i.e. funeral plans, notifying others, decisions having to be made, etc. In the early stages there is often people there to support you, even help you organise or contact others, but then they drift away back to their own lives and responsibilities. But for you the intensity of the loss can be growing rather than diminishing causing despair, anguish, loneliness, panic. There can be huge tides of emotions, from feeling the gentle lapping tide one minute to a large wave rolling over you leaving you gagging or gasping for breath and in tears. Those around you who have never experienced anything of what you’re going through may think you “should” be over it by now and moving on. People can often feel supported by talking to someone who is not involved, to share their thoughts, feelings and confusion with. Working through all the impacts on you.
Progressive loss can bring a sense of hopelessness
For the person who is experiencing progressive loss and for those loved ones who are watching, it is a devastating and lonely place to be. To have experienced life functioning well and then find that one is losing their motor neurone function, vision, hearing, bone strength, speech etc. can seem near impossible to come to grips with, particularly in situations where there is nothing that can be done to stop the condition getting worse. Talking to a counsellor who is not involved, in a safe and non-judgemental setting, and being able to say whatever you want to say without hurting another’s feelings can help relieve the pressure that builds up inside you.
Creating a future after redundancy
With the loss of employment people can feel like they have lost their place in the world, leading to feelings of inadequacy, loss of identity and self worth. There may be financial concerns requiring major decisions to be made, for example downsizing your home. How do you manage the loss of status, and telling friends and family? There can also be a loss of pride in being employed. Being made redundant can lead to revisiting your life goals and priorities. It can also seriously affect how you communicate with your family and others and how you portray yourself when seeking new employment. Whatever the particular consequences are of losing you job I can help you process the impact this is having on you, help you to identify your resources and strengths, develop a vision for your new future, and guide you through the process of getting there.
Pets, a special loss
Our pets can be just as important to us as any other member of our family and in some instances they may be the last connection we had with a loved one who has died. So it can be hurtful and devastating to hear from another who doesn’t understand “it’s just an animal”. Managing such comments can make the process feel even more difficult, particularly if the comment comes from people we are close to. I have a good understanding of the special relationship between you and your pet, and will provide a compassionate place for you to work through your loss and all it means to you.
Since 2001 the 0800 Whats Up service has consistently shown the top three categories of concern for young people are family relationships, peer relationships, and bullying. Concerns in these areas often lead to depression and/or anxiety, sometimes to the point of thinking of dying, self harming or self medicating on alcohol and/or drugs.
I am experienced helping teens learn new behaviours to manage difficult situations well. I achieve this by coaching them to analyse how they think about different situations they find themselves in, and then choose a good strategy for dealing with it. With new skills and confidence in their ability to communicate effectively, a good outcome in one situation will transfer to other areas of their life. The more coping mechanisms and problem solving skills they learn when they are young, the more prepared they will be to face life’s challenges as they move into adulthood.
Often people struggling with anxiety, stress or depression don’t want to bother those around them, or maybe think those around them “don’t want to know” or “are sick of hearing it”. However, it is really important for the person who suffers from these ailments to have a place where their issues are heard, and tools or strategies put in place to manage their symptoms. To be in a safe place where your thoughts and feelings are really listened to brings a sense of relief, and hope that you can overcome the emotional turbulence.
I can help you develop skills that will help you manage the symptoms of anxiety. Even the smallest change or new skill will lead you to feeling a sense of control over your life that you may not have felt for some time, a sense of hope that life is changing for the better. With each step forward panic and anxiety lessen, and you will find you are able to think through things more clearly, and manage situations that arise more positively.
If you do what you’ve always done.
You’ll get what you always got.
I have worked as a Counsellor for 20 years and have been in private practice in Browns Bay since 2001. My journey of training to be a counsellor was a huge learning curve for me. I am grateful for that now because I developed skills for analysing situations and communicating effectively. My own professional and personal development is constantly ongoing. I bring a broad life and work experience to my work with clients, and am able to relate to a variety of people. I have spent a number of years in the travel industry and corporate world, run a family business, worked in factories, been wife and mother, before retraining and moving into the helping profession. I have been a support worker in a variety of work places, listening to and helping people through issues and crisis, be they personal or work related. I have supported staff when a critical incident has happened, and been on site with staff when restructuring is happening.
I have had 17 years experience as a Clinical Supervisor for professional counsellors, counsellors in training, support workers, pastoral carers, and others involved in the helping professions. The supervision I offer is informed by Person Centred Practice with attending, responding, personalising, initiating (ARPI), Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Rational Emotive Therapy (RET), Strengths Based Therapy, and other techniques from different counselling approaches.
As your supervisor I will provide you with:
Responsibility for effective supervision:
Supervision provides a means of accountability, and effective and safe practice to the clients we work with and to the wider community. We each have a different role in supervision, and the responsibility for it’s effectiveness is shared. As the primary focus of supervision is about the practice itself, I will anticipate that you will be interested in, and committed to reflecting and reviewing your practice between supervision sessions, and come to supervision with a list of concerns and questions you want to discuss. I will explore these with you, and may ask questions and/or share ideas for further exploration or use of strategies to work with your clients. Listening to recordings of sessions is also a useful learning tool.