Male Sexual Abuse – how is it different?

Thus article was a response by Peter Milne to Therapy Guidelines, Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse written by Kim McGregor and published by ACC in 2001.

I consider this to be a wonderful document that will be an asset to anyone in our profession who is working, or thinking about working, with people who have been sexually abused. It has been well thought out, well researched and lays out simply and clearly most of the issues involved in this work. My one concern is that it is written about working with women survivors and does not take into account some aspects of working with men.

While everything that Kim has said also applies to working with men there are some additional long-term effects of CSA for men that are essential to consider. These can be basically described in three concepts:

• you can’t be a man and a victim at the same time
• Homophobia
• male victims become perpetrators

You can’t be a man and a victim at the same time

Our society as a whole finds it hard to believe that men can be (or have been) abused. ‘You can’t be a man and a victim at the same time’ is a very strong component of gender stereotyping for men. Many men feel as if their whole masculinity has been stripped from them by their abuse. Briere describes this as a “violation of male sex-role requirements.”  He states:

 Victimisation can be construed as sadly congruent with the female role, whereas it is antithetic to social notions of masculinity. Instead, males are encouraged from childhood to be strong, instrumental, assertive, and aggressive – traits that are incongruent with the concept of victimisation. Thus, the growing boy’s sense of socially defined masculinity is often undermined by his abuse because victimisation implies weakness and being done to rather than doing to. (Briere 1996 p.185)

Lew says “Since men are ‘not supposed to be victims,’ abuse (and particularly sexual abuse) becomes a process of demasculinisation. He may see himself as less than human – an irreparably damaged freak.” (Lew 1988 p.41). This is increased even further when the offender is a woman (see next section).

Homophobia

This is a major issue for men particularly when the offender was male. Common comments from heterosexual men are “Am I really gay?” “Will my abuse turn me gay?” These messages are reinforced for some when they have difficulties with relationships as adults (which of course is common to many survivors of either gender).

• From gay men “Did I become gay because I was abused?”
• From both “Was I abused because somehow I was giving off gay messages when I was a child.”
• The myth for men abused by women is that they are “lucky.” Society’s blindness to this aspect of abuse places him in a powerful double bind. If he enjoyed the experience in any way, it can’t have been abusive. If he didn’t, he must be homosexual (Lew 1988, p.58).

Again, Briere says “In a society as anti-homosexual as ours, this belief may engender panic and self-disgust beyond that associated with sexual molestation.” (Briere 1996 p.184).

Male victims become perpetrators

Gonsiorek, Bera &Le Tourneau (1994 p.48) describe this as the “Vampire Syndrome,” which holds that once abused, a boy will become an abuser. The reality is that only a very small proportion of men who have been abused become sexual offenders.

As with many of the myths this impacts both internally and externally.  Many men fear that they will become perpetrators because of their abuse.  This fear can be so strong as to lead to suicide rather than risk hurting someone else in the way they have been hurt.  Many will avoid contact with children because of it.

Externally many men have experienced fear and rejection from others when they have disclosed their own abuse.  For example, families in which they have previously had good relationships suddenly preventing them from having contact with their children.

Summary

In every other aspect the effects of CSA and the treatment of it are the same as laid out so very well by Kim in this document.  However, if anyone working with men does not take the above into account the outcome is likely to be at best poor, at worst disastrous for their client.

Bibliography

Mike Lew, 1988, 1990: Victims No Longer. HarperCollins Publishers Inc New. York,USA

John Briere, 1996: Therapy for Adults Molested as Children Beyond Survival. 2nd edition, Springer Publishing Company. New York, USA

John C. Gonsiorek, Walter H. Bera and Donald LeTourneau, 1994: Male Sexual Abuse a Trilogy of Intervention Strategies. Sage Publications Inc. New York, USA

Other Recommended Readings

Mike Lew, 1999: Leaping Upon the Mountains. Small Wonder Books. Massachusetts, USA

Richard L. Meth and Robert S. Pasick, 1990: Men in Therapy the Challenge of Change. The Guildford Press. New York, USA

Stephan D. Grubman, 1990: Broken Boys / Mending Men. Ivy Books. New York, USA

Article posted 2 June 2024

This article was originally Published in NZ Association of Counsellors Newsletter September 2001 Vol 22 No 1 and in Doctors for Sexual Abuse Care National Newsletter No 49 December 2001